Showing up for others 

When someone you care about is going through a difficult time, it can be hard to know how to best to support them.  Our natural inclination may be to try to fix them and solve their problem, especially if we are their People Leader.  What can be more empowering is showing up fully for them by listening with compassion and providing a non-judgmental space for them to express how they feel and support them to work out a way forward for themselves. Most the time, just by being fully present, listening and accepting where someone is at, people will come forward with their own solutions. 

Many of us have experienced the well-meaning responses from the person we are sharing our issue with. For example: 

“Well, what you should do is…”

“If I was you, I’d…”

“Cheer up, it could be worse.”

“Tomorrow’s a new day.”

Exercising compassionate detachment can help us to remain objective, supportive and effective in a conversation with someone who is going through a rough time.  Compassionate detachment is the conscious use of empathy.  Using the principles of compassionate detachment below in a conversation with someone who is going through a rough time will assist you to show up and guide them to find their own way forward without fixing and rescuing.

The principles of compassionate detachment

• It’s their experience, not yours, stay objective.
• Although they’re having a rough time, they are not broken – they don’t need to be fixed.
• What they are feeling, is what they are feeling, let them be where they’re at.
• Don’t assume the worst – you don’t know where this situation may lead for this person.

To have someone show up for us fully, without judgement and without trying to fix us is a gift.  The phrases below demonstrate that the listener is fully present and receptive to what the speaker is experiencing:

“That sounds really hard.”

“That sucks. I’m here for you. Tell me more.”

“I’ve been there, and that really hurts.”

 “It sounds like you’re in a hard place right now. Tell me more about it.”